Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Stupid, Stupid Me.

It's been a while since I've wrote - why is it when I need to vent or journal the most, I do it the least?!

I didn't get any good news my last visit to the doctor - my eggs are all very polycystic; small in size and not maturing because the cysts are covering them. The doctor once again was very disappointed. If I show no signs of improvement next visit he wants to schedule surgery - ovarian drilling.

The problem - I don't have the time or the money. I just had surgery in August to have my gallbladder removed. I can't miss anymore work until next year. Plus we are still waiting to see how much of that I'm going to have to pay out of my pocket. Grrrr.


After this point I lost THE MOST IMPORTANT part of my blog. Poof* Somehow I manage to delete it while typing with fingers of fury.

To sum it up - I'm angry, I'm hurt, I'm sensitive, I'm tired of trying, I'm tired of crying, I'm naieve, I'm overly hopeful, I'm obsessive with the whole thing, I'm a fool and I WANT TO TAKE A BREAK FROM THE CRAZY PAINFUL TTC JOURNEY!!!!!!!!!!!! It's starting to break my heart more and more each month which each BFN (big fat negative). No one understands unless they've been there - and I don't know a single person in 'real life' not 'online life' who is going thru it or have been thru it and willing to let me lean on them for a while.